coming

The word "advent" comes from the Latin adventus, meaning "coming". Each year, we find ourselves settling with more ease into the ways we observe this season. We seem to add something new every couple of years, and frequently take something away, too, always coming more into a place that suits us just where we are as a family.

Every year, we get out fewer decorations right at the start of the season. This year, we have actually only taken out things directly related to our advent observance (except the nativity, which we can never wait for!), leaving all of the other Christmas things for another day. This weekend, we got out our advent stocking calendar, advent wreath, Jesse Tree ornaments (on the miniature tree—waiting until our customary mid-December date for bringing the big tree in this year), our winter and Christmas books, our favorite advent music, and the nativity with empty manger.

We also made some chaplets for the St. Andrew Christmas Novena, thanks to a gift certificate to a craft store. This is our first year praying the Christmas novena, although I've wanted to for a couple of years. One thing I've realized about myself is that I usually need a long time to think about something before diving in on it. (For example, when we moved into this house, I had recently started liking white painted walls quite a bit, but wasn't ready to commit to them. Now, a few years later, I am very much ready for that commitment. Perhaps if things become a bit more stable for us, we will go ahead and paint the walls white in the next year!) Anyway, after hearing about the St. Andrew Christmas Novena for several years, I decided a while back that this year we'd do it. We had a great time making the chaplets (sort of using this tutorial, but simplified without the extending section leading to the medal), with my three older children choosing from among the purple beads (we had amethyst, dyed agate, and purple glass) and stringing their own, while I did the finishing and hardware at the end. Last night we all prayed it together for the first time, and already I can see that it promises to bear a lot of fruit of contemplation and slowing down for this busy bunch of mine.

This prayer, combined with the candlelight from the advent wreath (by the way, we've been using this booklet of advent wreath reflections for the last two years, and it's really nice), and the scripture reading and soft singing of Lo, How a Rose with the Jesse Tree, gives me the feeling we have half a chance of actually being prepared for Christmas this year, no matter what material gifts show up under the tree on Christmas morning.

No matter what your season looks like, I wish you peace, rest, quiet, and joy during this time of waiting.

One year old!

On Monday, we celebrated a first birthday at our house!

Minutes old

Everything is "peekaboo" to this little one

More peekaboo!

Well, he likes cupcakes!

Birthday crown

(Excuse the many photos, but one of my big regrets about Fiona's first birthday is that I didn't put many up online and then we lost all of them to a computer crash.)

I can hardly believe it's been a whole year with this sweet, sweet boy. Oh, he is just the sweetest, most darling baby. He charms everyone he meets. He has brought so much joy to us even during what has been a really hard year. 

I've been reflecting some on his birth the last few days. I was planning my third homebirth after what had been a healthy and uneventful pregnancy, and just days before my due date, we discovered he was breech. We did everything we could to encourage him to turn, but there just wasn't much time left, and when I went into labor, my midwife hurried over to our house to check his position. She realized that he was coming feet first which meant that even a vaginal breech delivery in the hospital was out of the question, and so it was a c-section. 

Having a c-section was my worst fear. I had done everything in my power to avoid having one with each of my children. And I loved my quiet, cozy homebirths. But I had an immense amount of peace about this decision, and I still do a year later. Although after he was born, John ended up experiencing a cascade of interventions that left us in a horrible situation of a 10-day NICU stay (interventions that our own pediatrician was appalled by later), and even though knowing the time in the NICU was not only the worst time in my own life but could probably have been avoided, I am still very much at peace with his birth. More than that, I am glad that I had to face my worst fear and overcome it. 

Although I wouldn't wish a traumatic birth experience on anyone, I do think that facing a fear is actually a powerful thing and I do wish that everyone would have the opportunity to face a fear the way that I did. There is incredible strength in knowing that you got through the thing that you most feared. I actually view it as a gift. 

And here we are a year later, with a beautiful, healthy boy to celebrate, and all that is in the past. 

Happy birthday, dear John Peter. Thank you for making your mama strong.

In this post: birthday crown and "1" romper by me. Cupcake recipe from this book, with my usual seven-minute icing. Sheep pull toy by Friendly Toys. Birthday ring by Kathe Kruse.

mama's day

This past Sunday was the most lovely Mother's Day I think I've ever had. Mother's Day has been kind of tough for me over the years. I inevitably have high expectations and end up disappointed. More than one Mother's Day has seen me childishly crying over perceived mistreatment from my family that I love and serve (and love to serve!) year round. 

And I hate that about myself! The day after Mother's Day has often found me feeling guilty about my own bad behavior. 

{Questionnaire by Elisabeth}

{Questionnaire by James}

{Questionnaire by Fiona}

But not this year! The day before Mother's Day, I graduated from biblical school, and it was so exciting that I actually forgot about Mother's Day. When I woke up Sunday, I wasn't even thinking about it. So I was happily surprised by two cups of tea brought to me in bed, the cutest and funniest questionnaires from my sweet children, a yummy breakfast, and then church, a simple, quick lunch, and finally, the best part: a spa and movie in a little "town" my children set up in our living room. After my feet were soaked and lotioned, we sat down to watch the movie, complete with popcorn and my recently omnipresent crochet basket.

It was really, really lovely. I have no hesitation in saying it was the best Mother's Day ever, in part because my children took ownership over it this year, and in part because I didn't create unrealistic expectations in my head. And in the end, I'm so grateful for my sweet family, which is what it should be all about.